Tag Archives: knowledge

On learning to listen

19 Oct

What an interesting, if exhausting, weekend. I spent it at a venue in central London on an “Introduction to Personal Performance Coaching” course and felt, particularly at the end of the first day, as if I had, to quote me ould Irish granny, been “ridden hard and put away wet.”

(That’s a saying about horses. In case you were wondering).

Unlike, I think, about 98 of the 100 people there, I was pretty sure when I booked the course that I was unlikely to be paying for future coaching courses and so I went in with the mindset that learning more about what coaching is and how I could acquire those skills in order to be a better people manager in my next job would be a really good outcome for me. On Sunday afternoon, we were asked by the trainer if we saw ourselves having either a part-time coaching business (two thirds of the room), a full time business (most of the rest) or just using the skills: me and one other person.

So, what did I learn? Well, first of all, it was good to spend two days with a very nice and amazingly diverse group of people and to hear their stories. A lot of coaching is focussed on listening to the “client” and so, when we were having our “peer coaching” sessions, I, as the “coach” closed my mouth, opened my ears and really, truly, listened. At first, that felt, and here I’ll be brutally honest … extremely hard. But, like any other muscle, you can train it to do your bidding and so I felt that my listening skills were much improved by the end of the two days. We also had to act as “observers” to others when they were, respectively, the “coach” and the “client” and that was a great object lesson in listening, observing but also giving thoughtful and constructive feedback.

As my own life is still in something of a tsunami of thoughts, decisions, options and confusion following on from my redundancy, I found the sessions on goal setting to be really helpful, albeit they did open up quite a can of worms for me when I thought about what I’ve achieved so far and where I hope to be. The trainer-cum-coach, Ann Skidmore , was just fabulous at working with us as a group and helping us to understand so much more about the goal setting process and why people find it so hard.

We also spent time working with Pam Lidford on our beliefs and she explained to us that, when we align goals with our values, success will follow. Pam clarified all of this with a series of great exercises around the concept of moving from a comfort zone to a stretch zone to a panic zone (and back again) and helped us to recognise where we are and how we feel (familiar and cosy – or stressed and unhappy, depending!)

I was also fascinated to learn how those who wanted to set up their own coaching businesses planned to do so and I met several women who hope to, for example, coach and support other women who want to return to the workplace after a career break, or who would like some coaching help in coping with the curve ball that can be new motherhood. Others wanted to break into the corporate/executive coaching and leadership space and we had some interesting debates around the issues facing women in business. And some men and women wanted to do the youth coaching diploma and work with young people; it was wonderfully heartening to see their passion and commitment to making a difference to the lives of the next generation.

The final session was applicable to the 98% but not to the one other bloke and me who didn’t want to set up our own coaching business, as it was all about how to get going, how to get clients, what to charge and so on.

However, on the premise that nothing is ever wasted, I listened in and hence took away the suggestion that using Twitter can be a great way to connect with people and get your message out there. As I’m nothing if not a late adopter … The Gender Blog is now on Twitter and you can see a link to my “tweets” on the right of the screen. Come and find me and join in.

My tweets thus far have been about the “Girls’ Night In” charity event I’m organising for later this week; I’ll be blogging about that tomorrow and there’s also a link to my “Just Giving” page here and on the right under the “Blogroll” section.

Thank you in advance if you feel able to make a donation to support Plan International’s work for girls and women around the world.

Positive politics for powerful female leaders

28 Sep

Since I left my job earlier this month, a lot of my contacts have asked me what they can do to help – to which my reply has been: “Please keep me in the loop with the news and key events, please keep inviting me to networking meetings and interesting events!”

And, because they are all Wonderful Women, the invitations keep arriving – and hence I am off to Cass Business School this evening for an event called “21st Century Leadership: The Evolution of Corporate Culture”, described thus:

” … we will be joined by the authors of “Why Women Mean Business”, Alison Maitland and Avivah Wittenberg-Cox, who take the economic arguments for change to the heart of the corporate world. They engage business leaders on how to drive growth by drawing on the complementary strengths of men and women.

We will also hear from Julie Gilbert, ex-Senior Vice President of Best Buy, a leading US retailer of consumer electronics and founder of WOLF, an external women’s network, through which Best Buy increased its female market share by more than $3.6bn, and the number of female managers by 40%.”

I know Alison and Avivah very well from having organised the London, New York and Toronto launches of WWMB last year and am thrilled it’s now out in paperback; and Julie is also involved with the Downing Street Project and is a wonderful speaker – so, with such a strong panel, this evening will be a terrific event.

I’ve also received an email from Women in Technology, inviting me to participate in a workship entitled “Positive politics for powerful female leaders”. This focuses on the “Rules of the Game” and how to be positively political to enhance career development and satisfaction. The (fee based) workshop will be run by Michelle Brailsford of the Jupiter Consulting Group; Michelle is also President of the London chapter of the European Professional Women’s Network, so trust me when I say she knows her stuff on this one. Reproduced with permission, here’s an overview of “The Rules” – how many hold true for you?

Rule #1. Like the lottery… you have to play to win.
Learn how to ‘re-frame’ the concepts around politics so that you feel comfortable ‘playing the game’.

Rule #2. Don’t get upset, get even.
Learn how to defuse any denial or resistance you might experience related to organisational politics.

Rule #3. Treat Stakeholders as they would like to be treated.
Understand two political power styles and how to flex your style more effectively.

Rule #4. Be yourself, but be the best self you can be.
Learn how to leverage your natural style to ensure you are ‘heard’ and supported.

Rule #5. A good idea alone is not enough.
Learn how to ‘message’ appropriately.

Rule #6. Don’t light a candle to place it under a bushel basket.
Learn how to promote yourself and your team with decent boldness.

Rule #7. Past performance predicts future behaviour… for women.
Learn how to use your track record to tell stories about credibility and trustworthiness.

Rule #8. The world isn’t fair and the sooner you realise this, the better.
Learn how to ‘level the playing field’ by spending time on ‘the right things’ instead of ‘doing things right’.

Rule #9. There are friends and there are allies.
Build your network strategically.

And finally …

Rule #10. Only powerful people can effect powerful change.

And now I am off to Cass, to try and follow the rules of #9.

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